Taming the Tongue

Thank you for reading this sermon from Christ Fellowship. I hope and pray that this sermon will be a blessing of grace and truth to you. With that said, let me encourage you not to use this sermon as a replacement for your local church. Christ Jesus did not establish his Church simply for us to consume content. Instead, He calls us to be part of a real, covenant family.

We often reduce the concept of “sin” to actions that can be clearly identified as morally wrong… things like serious crimes of violence or sexual misconduct.

That was exactly the concern of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. It’s easy to identify obvious moral failures. But the heart of every human being needs to be evaluated.

It’s easy to look at the bad “out there”. It’s much more difficult to look at the bad “in here”.

James is making the same argument in his letter and in chapter 3 he returns to our use of the tongue.

People’s lives can be ruined by obvious moral failures, but they can also be ruined by a few words.

A small accusation can ruin someone’s career. A careless label spoken to a child can stunt their emotional development. A rumor can destroy a church. A moment of rage can destroy a marriage. An old post on social media can get you cancelled.

Our words matter, not only because of the damage they may do – but because of what they reveal about our heart. James 3 verse 1:

[1] Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

This is an appropriate place to start, because teachers use words to make a living. There’s a lot of pressure to say things well and to say them with wisdom.

This is compounded by the fact that we now live in the Information Age. Everyone has access to information and now everyone has a platform to speak. We call it social media.

But if James is right, we should be careful. In a culture where everyone thinks they are an expert on every topic, Christians should be slow to speak – especially in a public space.

Why? Because most of us aren’t called by God to speak as teachers – and the ones who are will be judged with greater strictness. And because we know there is a great and powerful force at work in our hearts that needs to be reckoned with. It’s called sin.

[2] For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.

James says this tongue in cheek – pardon the pun. Because none of us are perfect. We will fail in our speech. And it will have serious effects on other people.

[3] If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.

This is a great illustration, because he’s talking about a small piece of metal that we use to guide a thousand-pound animal. We don’t see the bit in the horse’s mouth, but it’s powerful.

[4] Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.

Another great illustration. A ship in the first century weighed a few thousand tons but was turned by a wooden rudder weighing about 10 pounds. He’s saying, “Don’t underestimate the tongue. It weighs a few ounces, but it can run your life into the ground.”

[5] So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!

This is an even better illustration. A match can start a forest fire.

In 1870, a war started between France and Prussia over a telegram. The Prussian ambassador was trying to communicate that his meeting with the French ambassador went well, but he shortened the message and chose the wrong words. The Prussian King thought he was being insulted by the French and 200,000 men died in that war!

That’s a good example of why social media is so dangerous. We may try to share an opinion in a few phrases or paragraphs on difficult topics that used to require expert opinions and lengthy dialogue, where people can see and hear our tone and body language.

Instead, we are easily insulting people and adding to the chaos with our hot takes. And the algorithm is designed to create that kind of emotional reaction because it keeps us engaged and it sells ads!

But James is telling us to be cautious. Fire is necessary and helpful, but it can also be dangerous.

[6] And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

That last phrase is interesting. He’s not saying that every careless word is demonic, but uncontrolled speech can participate in destructive evil.

[7] For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind,

[8] but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

You can domestic a wild animal, but no one can tame the tongue. We’re tempted to soften the language here, but we shouldn’t.

You’re not going to fix your tongue with behavior modification. You’re not going to stop saying things you shouldn’t say.

In fact, I’d encourage you to try it. Try to go one week without saying anything you regret. You will fail. It’s impossible. And that’s because the tongue isn’t really the problem… it’s your heart.

[9] With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

Sunday praise and Monday slander.

[10] From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

[11] Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?

[12] Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

James is casting a net that’s meant to catch us all. No one escapes this accusation. We have a problem.

It’s a problem that Jesus taught about often, so we should probably let Jesus interpret James for us. Matthew 12:34-37

[34] Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

[35] The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.

[36] I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,

[37] for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

Our words are not neutral. They are moral actions. You might look at your life and assume you’re doing a pretty good job morally compared to other people. But your tongue is telling you something about your heart.

So where do we go from here? Remember, James is a letter and this morning we are only considering a small part of that letter. He doesn’t get to a Gospel resolution until chapter 4. Everything else is meant to break us… to humble us. He wants us to take a good look in the mirror.

Am I careless with my words? How do I know? James would say, look at the evidence. Look at the damage caused by your tongue in relationships.

The trouble is that we are so quick to defend our speech. Most often, we blame other people for taking offense or misunderstanding us.

When I do premarital counseling with young couples, one of the things I tell them is that 99% of their problems in marriage will be communication problems.

Lots of things affect the way we talk to each other. The way our family talked to each other. The way conflict was resolved in the home. Our personalities. Our past relationships. Male and female differences. Values. Experiences.

And none of that accounts for the fact that we are speaking from sinful hearts, which is the biggest factor. Communication is complicated!

And for that reason, most of the time, what we think we are saying and what the other person hears us saying are two different things!

And this is the hard part… relationships require us to take responsibility for what the other person heard. If we resort to defending what we meant, it usually gets us nowhere.

Another way of saying this is that we lack humility. Being right is more important to us than being kind. And that’s our flesh speaking, not the Spirit.

According to Paul, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He doesn’t say anything about being right…

Our culture is discipling us every day to be right over being loving. Ours is a culture of moral outrage and public correction, because that’s what fuels engagement. No one goes viral for being slow to speak. Social media amplifies conflict and rewards polarization. And that is seeping into our everyday relationships.

Truth matters, but it should be spoken in love. Instead of mic drop moments, we should be thinking about how to use our words to accept responsibility, to repair, to reconcile, and to build one another up.

There is a time and a place for tough love. Jesus demonstrated that Himself. He saved his strongest words for the religious leaders; the ones called to lead and teach God’s people. He publicly called them snakes for their hypocrisy. Perhaps that’s why James started this chapter with a word about teachers.

I feel the weight of this as a pastor. Whether I like it or not, my words carry a lot of weight. My goal is to faithfully shepherd this church and my family with both truth and grace.

But I fail too. Every day. I say things I shouldn’t and sometimes I fail to say the things I should.

And because that’s true, I’m even more thankful for Jesus. Jesus never stumbled in what He said.

He rebuked, when necessary, but without cruelty. When He was ridiculed, He stayed silent.

Jesus is the only “perfect man” James describes.

And this is the glorious truth: The only One with the perfect tongue died for people with destructive tongues. On the cross, He took the judgment our words deserved.

Every lie.
Every rude comment.
Every gossip-laced conversation.

Paid for.

And then He gives us His Spirit. Not just to restrain your mouth — but to transform your heart. Because when your heart is softened by His grace, your tongue begins to change.

Not instantly. Not flawlessly. But over time. You begin to speak life more often and start less fires.

Let’s pray for His help.